About me

I find beauty in words, delight in ideas, and joy in life.

When I was young I had a plan. I hadn’t included illness in my plan, so when illness found me I became lost. Life until that time had appeared as a series of goals, moments, experiences to achieve in succession. In a puddle of melted pain next to the toilet, I thought I could simply make a new plan, list a set of new, altered experiences to achieve.

My first heartbreak came in writing a plan that included hours of agony, and weeks of starvation. Then my heart shattered when the new plan, the one I wrote thinking if I sacrificed my denial it would buy me life, was also ripped from me, because illness will not follow a schedule.

I no longer see life as a series of experiences to achieve.

I now see life as the achievement of experiencing moments.

Some moments are painful, and some are rapturous. Some are awesome and some are hideous.

I share here the writings I began as a way to pass the hours with friends, which have grown into a way I enjoy the experience of time.

Donations welcome on my business Venmo @PavlovWrites